A Face to Kill For

And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a movie called A Face to Kill For starring Miss Crystal Bernard and Mr. Doug "Matt on Melrose Place" Savant. Crystal Bernard was the daughter of a horse rancher, and she was in a car accident as a teen, which left her disfigured, and also apparently unable to say the word "Daddy," because she kept pronouncing it "Diddy" and then I kept picturing her father being played by P. Diddy and it cracked me up. Anyway, Crystal was married to Matt from Melrose Place, except he was straight, and he was actually pretty good in the role, which just makes it sadder that he was never given a plot line on Melrose Place. So Matt is just married to Crystal in the hopes that he will inherit the horse ranch, and then he dopes up the horses and frames Crystal and Diddy for it. So Crystal goes to jail and Matt tampers with Diddy's car so that he dies in an accident and Matt takes over the ranch, and then he tricks Crystal into signing divorce papers while she's in jail. So then Crystal meets a sassy black lady in prison who teaches her self-esteem and then Crystal gets beat up in a fight and the doctor somehow does some experimental surgery that gets rid of the scar. Cut to Crystal post-Extreme Makeover, and she's taken on a new identity, and she's going to stick it to evil Matt. So she makes a bunch of money through investments, which she learned in prison of course, and she tries to buy back Diddy's horse farm, but Matt isn't having it, so she resorts to trickery and chicanery and exposes Matt for the sleaze that he is and he goes to jail, and Crystal ends up looking hot and hooking back up with her high-school boyfriend, who wasn't all that cute, but they seemed happy together. Which is awesome.