90210

And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was every episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 on Soapnet. I watch it every weekday! Right now, they are in the episodes just before Brenda leaves the show. So Andrea is totally having a premature baby, which I think they had to do because they didn't make Andrea pregnant on the show until Gabrielle Carteris was about twenty months pregnant already, so they had to have Andrea give birth prematurely or else it would be really obvious. And my favorite thing to do after every one of Andrea's lines is yell, "Because you're forty!" I can't believe she got hired for the role. And then Steve was dating crazy Laura, the actress who tried to commit suicide in the theater. And Brandon and Kelly are totally cuckolding Dylan, and Dylan's fake stepmother is scamming him, and every day Brenda has a different hairstyle and hair color, and David is singing with Babyface and making out with Ariel in a limo, and Steve is wearing hightops everywhere in case a basketball game breaks out, and Nat is whatever and Jim and Cindy are whatever and I know that pretty soon, Val shows up and I can't wait for her first episode where you think she's all nice and sweet and then at the end she SMOKES POT! I was so scandalized the first time I saw that episode. And it was awesome.

Talk to Me

And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw On TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a television movie called Talk to Me starring Ms. Yasmine Bleeth as a naïve talk-show producer who joins the production staff for a Jerry Springer-esque talk show. The Jerry Springer character was played, of course, by Peter Scolari. Because, why not? So anyway, Ms. Yasmine Bleeth got taken under the wing of the senior producer, played by Veronica Hamel with an awesome '80s permed bob. I totally had that hairstyle in eighth grade! So Ms. Yasmine Bleeth needs to come up with her own episode idea, and she decides to follow up on a previous episode they had done on prostitutes, and investigate the prostitutes' families and find out how they became whores and shit. So the one whore she decides to investigate further is played by Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley fame! And she's all addicted to heroin and has a scuzzy pimp boyfriend and her mom and grandmother want her to get help, but she won't. And Ms. Yasmine Bleeth keeps compromising her principles more and more and finally Jenny Lewis commits suicide and Ms. Yasmine Bleeth blames herself, which she should because it was totally her fault. So Ms. Yasmine Bleeth quits the show, and in the end, she finds out that Peter Scolari has already contacted the mother and grandmother to do a follow-up show, and Ms. Yasmine Bleeth is all disenchanted, like, you work in the entertainment industry, so just give up your ideals and youthful enthusiasm and start smoking a pack a day and become cynical like the rest of us. Which is awesome.